She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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