I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
