you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
