Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
