I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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