Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
