Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
