If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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