Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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