I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
