I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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