It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
