if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My bed smells like the plague
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
