your parents love me but you hate me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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