This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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