I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
