I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
