Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
