The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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