Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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