Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
