5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
