Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
