i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
