He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
