I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
