Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
