my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can't motorboat a personality
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
