my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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