Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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