Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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