first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize