Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
