the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
