how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
