he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
