2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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