You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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