WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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