Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
