His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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