I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
