meet me or not, i'm out of control
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
