you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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