its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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