im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
