then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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