oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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