I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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