wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I skipped work to stalk him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
