It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
