Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
