I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
