Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
