I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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