You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
