I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
