wake up i wanna do it froggy style
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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