We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
