Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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