Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
