I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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